Sunday, August 12, 2012

Want to Comprehend Beauty Stare at This....

First a video to get things started

A Face my Father would love.....

                         This is a letter to each one of you from my heart..
To be honest with you when I started this post I had no idea what was in store for us, but today I plan on sharing a painful insight into my past .
                         Yesterday I was confronted by a fellow sister in Christ in a not so gentle way but God knew it was the precise event needed to shape me and mold my character even while it hurt my feelings at the time..  She asked me the question "Why would you say that there wasn't anyone else comparable to how moralistic and pure my sister was?"

                                                        OOOPS....  She was right!!!! 

                                                 The truth (Romans 3:23-24)

                                     For All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. They are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.

                Here is where I expose my "black eye" 

                This is very difficult for me but I want you to understand my "struggle"  and yes I can honestly say Christians struggle with imperfection and sin or a sinful past. Sometimes I can learn through gentle advice but for the majority of my life I have learned more wisdom through very painful results of poor decision making when I have willfully chose against God's instruction for my life..

                I will list a few for my list is long, ugly, embarrassing yet important...

      No purity ring here, lived with women before marriage, not one but two failed marriages, Smoked, Drank, dabbled in Marijuana, and ouija boards. Went to college and failed miserably, Put my possessions ahead of God, Had cancer and was so proud that once it had been removed I felt like I myself was strong enough that was the reason i was living today (wrong answer) I couldn't even give God the credit for preserving my life at the time. Most of all my life was not a life living for my First love my God.

       After this I Turned Back to My Father in Repentance

        This brings me to over a year ago. I fell deeply in love with the "hope" and dreams of a young lady who had lived her life in the exact opposite way ..  For every wrong choice i had made there were probably 20 right choices she was making. She was looked upon as uniquely different to most who lived their life for themselves.. She was pure. giving and devoting her life moving by the Spirit blessing others with her life for God and them. 

                                      Wanna hear something CRAZY!!!

            She saw me and knew my past overlooking where I was and saw me as a man that had the crazy desire to follow my God anywhere and live for the calling to serve him.. But she did what most others including myself couldn't ....   Overlook my past and see me with what she called "eyes of faith"


             Smitten with new dreams and a future of  "loving someone giving everything I had to God first then her"  I was so excited my coworkers saw a change and I remember expressing all the great qualities she displayed.  Thinking everyone was going to be excited for me, that was not exactly what happened.. I was often told by many who knew my past. You know she is too good for you: What did you do to deserve a woman such as her?

                                                   my reply....   Nothing...

                      Then I would tell them I believed that was why my Jesus had placed us together for God was displaying Redemption, Grace, and Mercy in a real world application knowing that the only explanation that was reasonable was it was a direct result of 


                         I fell to my knees often thanking God for the opportunity presented to me unmerited..  A second, third, fourth, chance to be a man of God and character.   This made me so happy :) My heart was more than ready to "court" her with the absence of any physical endeavors of any kind romantically until marriage. We became immersed in phone time, In depth Bible studies and seeking our God first individually and then second as a team. Getting excited about the possibilities of working on the "mercy Ships" together plus many more exciting ventures, possibilities to advance the kingdom of God.
                     Not long after this She was taken to see our Lord when the car she was driving was struck by a drunk driver in her home state of California 10 days before she was to move to Oregon and work here ...  

                     Which brings me to almost exactly a year later my heart, and love was questioned by her sister.  That was when I mentioned that i felt there wasn't going to ever be another woman seeking God and a pure moral lifestyle that would accept my middle aged past with "eyes of faith" as she had.  In case you all haven't noticed there seems to be a shortage of people my age that are abstaining "holding out in a form of renewed purity"  that might agree to no physical intimacy desiring a basis of God first, then a life to serve others together ..

        That was when she quickly confronted me that my error was placing her sister as more "pure" than anyone else based on her human actions or good works.

  She was right I realized I wasn't holding to the truths of the Bible and it bears repeating:

                   Romans 3:23-24

 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. They are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.

                             Isaiah 64: 6

 All of us have become like something unclean and all our righteous acts are like a polluted garment all of us wither like a leaf and our iniquities carry us away like the wind.

     Has this momentary set back of life in the "fallen world"  dashed my hopes 


For I hold these things true... Relying on my God for his will

           Philippians 4:6,7

Don't worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

             His word tells me that I can come to Him in prayer with a thankful heart asking for anything and if it is in accordance to His will then I know he would love nothing more than to bless me ....  IF IT IS THE WILL OF MY FATHER FOR MY LIFE.. 

  If there is anything i have learned as the life lessons continually present themselves day after day is that I am continually renewed by my God through Jesus death and ressurrection. My past is my past... and it has passed.. my future is hope with a future

                               Jeremiah 29:11

           For I know the plans I have for you --- This is the Lords declaration--- Plans for your welfare , not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

                                       From this day forward:

 It is my will to do the will of my Father in Heaven.

If it is God's will to answer my deepest request to be afforded the luxury of a family again and to use the "cool animal hand puppets" I have carried with me as hope for the future dream that would be amazing. but until that day is evident I have much more time to be consumed learning the example of 1 corinth 13 love through teaching and life of Jesus Christ my King as I focus on living a life pleasing to Him..

I want to be so lost in my God that in order to be found she has to be seeking God as well...

                        Mathew 6:33,34

  But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

                                         Mathew 7:7,8

Keep asking and it will be given to you, Keep searching, and you will find, keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

                                                         Mathew 6:9,10

Therefore you should pray like this, Our father in heaven your name be honored as Holy. Your kingdom come your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

      Love to all,

servant Timothy



  1. Wow! It is amazing how much the Lord worked throughout your life. And making you be the person you are today! That's proof that He can do anything and no one should underestimate the power of God. I will be praying for you! Prayer can be so powerful! Pray for the Lord's will. even though sometime we don't see our prayers getting answered. They will but by God's will! He won't let us down. . .God bless you brother!

  2. Absolutely love this post. It rings true with more than a few areas of my life, and I am greatly encouraged by what I read. I'm still getting re-used to trusting in and accepting the grace of God much less His forgiveness, but I don't expect a full recovery overnight. If that were the case, what would be the purpose for a need to grow in Jesus? Just love this, thank you brother!

  3. ty for reading a little tiny bit of my story... it seems he has added exponentially to my life from surf/mission/hitchhiker trips to other avenues including a very real desire to move led by the Spirit... your comments as a fellow believer mean so much to me rachel.

  4. thank you Zack.... Brother I am greatly encouraged by the immediate friendship i have felt by the acceptance you show to me... I thank God for each one of you is important... so very valuable

  5. Tim, you are exactly the man God created you to be. Probably a few hickups along the way but that was the only way to get you to where you're at. Struggles and poor choices don't always "end" in failure. God loves you and I value our friendship and the wisdom God gives me through you......Troy

    1. Thanks troy, the fact that you say exactly what you said and you see my life up close and personal with my "flaws" and mistakes even on the job at work is confirmation that who I am is based on God not my doing.. I enjoy every bit of our friendship brother.... I am blessed to be your friend

  6. It's hard opening up and letting all see into our hearts, but you did a great job in sharing your heart.

    By opening up and allowing others in to see the pain, and let people give advice even when it is hard to hear is a huge step. What is even a bigger step is after hearing that advice to stepping forward away from the past and letting the healing begin.

    It's very easy to put someone on a pedestal when they are no longer with us, but we also have to remember.

    Romans 3:23
    23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

    No one is perfect we are all sinners and I know that you loved this person deeply but we are all sinners maybe not in the same ways. In your eye your sin of the past is like a tree trunk and when you look at her it was neither there or was just a speck. Don't be so hard on yourself. God forgave your past and washed it away as far as the east is from the be remembered no more. He wants happiness for all his children. We all were created for his joy, we stumble, but He is all loving and will help pick us up, brush us off and give us a little pat as we go on our way.
    We have to be careful in remembrance to not put those we love in that category of "pure" because in doing so no one will be sufficient. It seems that you are on your way to realizing this with friends/family and a blog to share your story. You are learning as you go along this mourning process.

    The Mourning process is where we are to never forget the person but put them in their proper place to move on.

    Remember your loved one would not want you to be in such sorrow and neither would God.

    John 16:16

    16 A little while, and ye shall not see me: and again, a little while, and ye shall see me, because I go to the Father.

    Best wishes! God has great plans for you!

    1. As His plans for you are equally amazing... It means alot to me to open up to all of you in this way... When I open up it is one of the best ways I believe for God to use me in a "real" relational way... Each person I interact with is Gods gift and i am learning with Gods help every new day that despite my flaws if I just offer my life to him in prayer and submission being spirit filled and led he can do crazy amazing works that I never thought possible through me or any one else willing to live for him, and by him...

  7. This will be a small but truthful comment. I did tear up reading this! Let me tell you one thing, God is using you to further His kingdom. By sharing your testimony and life trials, it has helped me to see how God works in others lives! Keep faith brother, and continue having that passion for Christ! God allows certain things to happen for certain reason but remember:

    "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." ~ Romans 8:!8 ~

    And remember, let your requests be made known to the Lord. He knows our hearts, but it's vital to pray!( Philip 4:6 )

    God bless you abundantly as you seek the Lord's will!

    In Christ Alone,


  8. Katey, my words don't seem enough to convey to you the blessings my heart has felt by your encouragement and spiritual discernment and wisdom... Timothy

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  10. Aww... to have of "Eyes of Faith", not expecting perfection, but seeing the potential for growth is strongly evident but it's not yet fully realized. Seeing that the person is striving to become the child of God they have been called to become. My prayer is that I would see everyone in this way.
    We live our life in such a way as to be an imitator of God's love, a love that goes beyond affection to self-sacrificing service. We look to God as the source of all we want to see happen in our life and choose not to worry about how it will happen. Our life bears witness to the Holy Spirit's presence and power. These were great lessons I learned from my sister and she was always the first to tell you she did nothing in her own strength, and was far from being the woman of God she had been called to be. She lived her life in such a way to bring Glory to God....not to herself,
    I am learning to love my God and strive to live my life in such a way to bring Glory to God, but I can honestly say I fall short quite often.
    One of the biggest keys to my Christian faith, is to get it down into my spirit that God truly loves and cares for me. I believe that God's Word makes it clear that unless we know the height and depth of the love of God, we cannot be filled with His fullness.

    That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God.
    Ephesians 3:17-19

    God desires to have a loving and genuine relationship with us, seeking to reconcile. God desires to forgive and save sinners so that we may enjoy and know him forever. The Bible is not just a list of rules written to ruin our life. It is given to us through human authors so that we may know life.

    He wants us to experience the kind of life he designed us to live walking in harmony with his will going through this life knowing him personally. Life is a lot better when we walk through it hand in hand with our creator. Sharing a personal relationship. Jesus died in my place to pay the penalty for my sins to be forgiven and be brought back into a relationship with my creator. And Guess what...he's done the very same for cool is that???

    Always remember there is nothing we could ever do to make God love us any more and nothing we could ever do to make God love us any blessed

  11. I am so very thankful for the uplifting words and friendship, building up and encouraging one another in the love and faith shown by our similar interests to be used of God.. I am encouraged by you.. Timothy