First a video to get things started
A Face my Father would love.....
This is a letter to each one of you from my heart..
To be honest with you when I started this post I had no idea what was in store for us, but today I plan on sharing a painful insight into my past .
Yesterday I was confronted by a fellow sister in Christ in a not so gentle way but God knew it was the precise event needed to shape me and mold my character even while it hurt my feelings at the time.. She asked me the question "Why would you say that there wasn't anyone else comparable to how moralistic and pure my sister was?"
OOOPS.... She was right!!!!
The truth (Romans 3:23-24)
For All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. They are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.
Here is where I expose my "black eye"
This is very difficult for me but I want you to understand my "struggle" and yes I can honestly say Christians struggle with imperfection and sin or a sinful past. Sometimes I can learn through gentle advice but for the majority of my life I have learned more wisdom through very painful results of poor decision making when I have willfully chose against God's instruction for my life..
I will list a few for my list is long, ugly, embarrassing yet important...
No purity ring here, lived with women before marriage, not one but two failed marriages, Smoked, Drank, dabbled in Marijuana, and ouija boards. Went to college and failed miserably, Put my possessions ahead of God, Had cancer and was so proud that once it had been removed I felt like I myself was strong enough that was the reason i was living today (wrong answer) I couldn't even give God the credit for preserving my life at the time. Most of all my life was not a life living for my First love my God.
After this I Turned Back to My Father in Repentance
This brings me to over a year ago. I fell deeply in love with the "hope" and dreams of a young lady who had lived her life in the exact opposite way .. For every wrong choice i had made there were probably 20 right choices she was making. She was looked upon as uniquely different to most who lived their life for themselves.. She was pure. giving and devoting her life moving by the Spirit blessing others with her life for God and them.
Wanna hear something CRAZY!!!
She saw me and knew my past overlooking where I was and saw me as a man that had the crazy desire to follow my God anywhere and live for the calling to serve him.. But she did what most others including myself couldn't .... Overlook my past and see me with what she called "eyes of faith"
Smitten with new dreams and a future of "loving someone giving everything I had to God first then her" I was so excited my coworkers saw a change and I remember expressing all the great qualities she displayed. Thinking everyone was going to be excited for me, that was not exactly what happened.. I was often told by many who knew my past. You know she is too good for you: What did you do to deserve a woman such as her?
my reply.... Nothing...
Then I would tell them I believed that was why my Jesus had placed us together for God was displaying Redemption, Grace, and Mercy in a real world application knowing that the only explanation that was reasonable was it was a direct result of
I fell to my knees often thanking God for the opportunity presented to me unmerited.. A second, third, fourth, chance to be a man of God and character. This made me so happy :) My heart was more than ready to "court" her with the absence of any physical endeavors of any kind romantically until marriage. We became immersed in phone time, In depth Bible studies and seeking our God first individually and then second as a team. Getting excited about the possibilities of working on the "mercy Ships" together plus many more exciting ventures, possibilities to advance the kingdom of God.
Not long after this She was taken to see our Lord when the car she was driving was struck by a drunk driver in her home state of California 10 days before she was to move to Oregon and work here ...
Which brings me to almost exactly a year later my heart, and love was questioned by her sister. That was when I mentioned that i felt there wasn't going to ever be another woman seeking God and a pure moral lifestyle that would accept my middle aged past with "eyes of faith" as she had. In case you all haven't noticed there seems to be a shortage of people my age that are abstaining "holding out in a form of renewed purity" that might agree to no physical intimacy desiring a basis of God first, then a life to serve others together ..
That was when she quickly confronted me that my error was placing her sister as more "pure" than anyone else based on her human actions or good works.
She was right I realized I wasn't holding to the truths of the Bible and it bears repeating:
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. They are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.
Isaiah 64: 6
All of us have become like something unclean and all our righteous acts are like a polluted garment all of us wither like a leaf and our iniquities carry us away like the wind.
Has this momentary set back of life in the "fallen world" dashed my hopes
For I hold these things true... Relying on my God for his will
Don't worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
His word tells me that I can come to Him in prayer with a thankful heart asking for anything and if it is in accordance to His will then I know he would love nothing more than to bless me .... IF IT IS THE WILL OF MY FATHER FOR MY LIFE..
If there is anything i have learned as the life lessons continually present themselves day after day is that I am continually renewed by my God through Jesus death and ressurrection. My past is my past... and it has passed.. my future is hope with a future
For I know the plans I have for you --- This is the Lords declaration--- Plans for your welfare , not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
From this day forward:
It is my will to do the will of my Father in Heaven.
If it is God's will to answer my deepest request to be afforded the luxury of a family again and to use the "cool animal hand puppets" I have carried with me as hope for the future dream that would be amazing. but until that day is evident I have much more time to be consumed learning the example of 1 corinth 13 love through teaching and life of Jesus Christ my King as I focus on living a life pleasing to Him..
I want to be so lost in my God that in order to be found she has to be seeking God as well...
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Keep asking and it will be given to you, Keep searching, and you will find, keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you.
Therefore you should pray like this, Our father in heaven your name be honored as Holy. Your kingdom come your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Love to all,