Sunday, December 23, 2012

Timothy's Trippin Out Again.... Reader Beware...


The views and thoughts expressed in this blog you are about to read are in NO way a reflection of the management establishment, or executive bodies of ideological consent. Therefore the views expressed (although often times contradictory and contemplatingly confusing by nature) make complete sense in the world according to the blog writer. These views are innately unique via his passionate expressions based on the reality of life experience.

Timothy's Trippin Out Again......  "Obsessions, Transgressions, and Confessions of a Self Gratification Junkie"

                    Sorry I can hear the sighs... UH OH here he goes again....  Is he going there??? at Christmas time??? YESSS OH YES I AM...

                         Lets open up this can of nasty sliced red beets and start slinging..  The slimy red juice is going to slop everywhere... BUT FIRST ANOTHER VIDEO...   Ok realistically a video may not be warranted at this juncture because seriously, what i am about to unveil may give you new ammunition to judge me.. but since I need to debone my pork roast I nonetheless give you something to do while i snack a few tasty morsels :)

      Ok,....  back and might I just say I love eating....  ok...  now where was I ...

      Starting with the opening dedication from a book I have yet to fully read "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claireborne

      "Dedicated to all the hypocrite, cowards, and fools like me. May we all find the Way, The Truth, and The Life. in a world of shortcuts, deception, and death."

      A little or rather should I say a lot of  introspection has been warranted in my life..

1 Timothy 4:16 (HCSB)

Pay close attention to your life and your teaching; persevere in these things, for by doing this you will save both yourself and your hearers.

Romans 12:3 (HCSB)

For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith to each one.

With that said this blog post has been spurred on by my reflection of events as recent as this last weekend. No matter how impressive I may try to appear to you on the outside I noticed how disgustingly UGLY and frankly downright DEPUKIFYING my evil HUMANITY and desires are inside that I begin to try to hide them from view ...     ok EXAMPLE EXAMPLE... Timothy stop trying to avoid the inevitable visual of self accountability and repentance to God and my readers.

       OK I Timothy Lane Taft, am a CONTROL FREAK.. I often times think way to highly of myself and/or my position so I consistently make up a fallacy that my world is controlled by ME..  you want specifics?  here we go...

     I have been frequenting a casino in the area throwing the monetary assets God entrusted to me away in a blind pursuit of control by telling myself that if I do this I will somehow gain wealth by my own get rich quick scheme so I can logistically use it in life plans or goals... Oh yeah you might think it more noble if I was to massage you with a little fact that I wanted to attain more so I could distribute more money to those who are oppressed or less fortunate than myself...  

Nice SPIN on that one SIR ROBIN HOOD TIMOTHY.... 

I had just sacrificed God's plan for my own agenda and I share a verse that supports what I believe God has been speaking to me about the pursuit of Gambling.. 

Proverbs 13:11 (HCSB)

Wealth obtained by fraud will dwindle, but whoever earns it through labor will multiply it.

Ephesians 4:28 (HCSB)

The thief must no longer steal. Instead, he must do honest work with his own hands, so that he has something to share with everyone in need.

Bankrupt?? Yes I have plagued myself w/this disgusting desire to control a Spiritual World I live in w/the insanity that I can control God's destiny and plan for my life....  Guess what...


foolish Timothy...

Sitting there sliding bills into that slot machine pulling the handle abusively putting God on the spot through a silent prayer no one hears under my breath ...  IF ONLY I CAN WIN BIG SO I CAN BE A HERO for others...

   YOU KNOW....  That was disgustingly sickly just to reread my thoughts previously stated..... even more disgusting than the thought of slimy red beets sliding down my white walls of the apartment... little boy, little little man, little insignificant selfish controller STOP STOP STOP..  but wait there is much more... Here is a short list I have been noticing creep into my life again as of late... God helps me become aware of several areas needing withdrawals..

1) The Pursuit of extra money: Whether I spin it as a comfortability level for myself or others the wealth gained on my own agenda as quick money no matter how noble the cause might seem if I am seeking it on my terms and for control it shall be FUTILE...

2)Love Life(Hopeless Romantic Theory): Funny how I noticed I can pervert the beauty of God's divine plan to an agenda like that of a "check off sheet" or "to-do list" Just because I think she is "the one" or "my future" is not the submissive role of coming to the Holy Father patiently waiting for clarity through prayer and fasting.. Why don't I learn... Timothy are you seriously that powerful and important that you want to circumvent or interfere with the BEST that God has in store for me..  Jeremiah 29:11-13 refers to God knowing His perfect plan.. a plan not to harm us and it involves me...

3)Daughters salvation: NUFF SAID... I consistently try to will her into heaven causing so much pain and anxiety when my short sighted focus doesn't account for God's entire long range plan... SO LET GO and LET GOD TIMOTHY..

4)Physical Appearance: Yep... Past blog.. yes I too am convicted by the words God leads me to share and I definitely feel I got it wrong when I thought I could "control" things by "neutralizing" myself as to "not stand out" and be a "common man" to everyone so as to spread the Gospel to many...  Intentions Intentions Intentions although all these intentions may not be wrong or unmerited its the "selfish" act of how "I" "ME" "TIMOTHY" is going about to achieve them...   So I sit here tonight before finishing the online version of my blog and start the noisy buzzing act of shaving my hairy face and scalp... As the hair is flying like leaves from a maple tree in a windstorm.. my Christmas Mohawk has returned... God made me uniquely beautiful and I intend to embrace the crazy, loving, silly, articulate, encouraging Man of God he planned for me which means I am FREE.... so I will live FREE in Christ..

If my craziness is able to reach surfers, boarders, skaters, readers, hitchhikers, religious church obeyers, co workers, destitute, homeless, oppressed, ex addicts, or anyone God puts in my path then THAT is what I am going to do..


This snippet was brought to you by the pen of a man learning to be "Obsessed" with his God in a way he never dreamed possible...    GODS WAY... 

 I want to lose all forms of addiction and die to my SELF and only reserve one addiction for my JESUS CHRIST and His Words..  

I wrote and typed this blog post today for many reasons... one was for open accountability of my shortcomings and the reality that christian people struggle as well thus the huge need for God and a Saviour... Another reason is that others might associate with some of my life problems and do some introspection by asking God whether you are trying to circumvent Gods position as GOD with your own agendas whether it is in relationships, jobs, money, or life...  Humanity has a way of trying to spin something and make it sound noble to have others agree that we are doing the right thing.. I don't care how Christian sounding our plan is when we try to sell it to friends, coworkers, parents, or GOD himself.. if that "Christian boyfriend/girlfriend" or "desirable white picket fenced property"  "job"or "personal agenda" you or others deem necessary isn't what God had planned or desires then you are seeking "SELFISH PURSUITS" such as I have found myself doing... Ask God to make it so crystal clear to you and be anxious in NOTHING as I am constantly battling the art of  Patience and reliance on a Perfect and HOLY GOD.. 


  1. That was beautiful. You have grown so much and I am so proud of you.

    Being the first of the year, I have spent my day reviewing the previous 12 months. I know I should perform this review daily, but it has fallen to the end of the year and here I am...

    I am sorry.

    I don't know how else to say it. I don't know if a different mixture of words would ease the message in any softer. I don't know if you will understand. I don't know if you even care.

    Maybe I say this for selfish reasons. Maybe it's the ghost of inconsideration that haunts me. Perhaps this will put my mind at rest and only stir yours up. I am going to take that risk.

    My hopes are that you will be willing to forgive me and you will understand what my heart is trying to say even though my mind cannot find the right words.

    I am truly sorry. I am sorry that history is irreversible and I can't go back and change the way I acted. I am sorry for any pain I caused due to my inconsideration and selfishness.

    I wish there was a way that I could be a part of the path that you are on but I know that is not possible.

    So, if it means anything, this is my encouragement to you. As well as my quiet desire for forgiveness.

    Love, Elizabeth

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  3. I forgive you... I would be the person who still believes in seeing your beautiful future.. Your precious as God deems you so as well... I am never in the position to judge you.... Just to love and forgive as I hope that you would afford me the same luxury...