Timothy's Trippin Out Again.... Reader Beware...

Warning

The views and thoughts expressed in this blog you are about to read are in NO way a reflection of the management establishment, or executive bodies of ideological consent. Therefore the views expressed (although often times contradictory and contemplatingly confusing by nature) make complete sense in the world according to the blog writer. These views are innately unique via his passionate expressions based on the reality of life experience.

Timothy's Trippin Out Again......  "Obsessions, Transgressions, and Confessions of a Self Gratification Junkie"

                    Sorry I can hear the sighs... UH OH here he goes again....  Is he going there??? at Christmas time??? YESSS OH YES I AM...

                         Lets open up this can of nasty sliced red beets and start slinging..  The slimy red juice is going to slop everywhere... BUT FIRST ANOTHER VIDEO...   Ok realistically a video may not be warranted at this juncture because seriously, what i am about to unveil may give you new ammunition to judge me.. but since I need to debone my pork roast I nonetheless give you something to do while i snack a few tasty morsels :)

      Ok,....  back and might I just say I love eating....  ok...  now where was I ...

      Starting with the opening dedication from a book I have yet to fully read "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claireborne

      "Dedicated to all the hypocrite, cowards, and fools like me. May we all find the Way, The Truth, and The Life. in a world of shortcuts, deception, and death."

      A little or rather should I say a lot of  introspection has been warranted in my life..

1 Timothy 4:16 (HCSB)

Pay close attention to your life and your teaching; persevere in these things, for by doing this you will save both yourself and your hearers.

Romans 12:3 (HCSB)

For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith to each one.

With that said this blog post has been spurred on by my reflection of events as recent as this last weekend. No matter how impressive I may try to appear to you on the outside I noticed how disgustingly UGLY and frankly downright DEPUKIFYING my evil HUMANITY and desires are inside that I begin to try to hide them from view ...     ok EXAMPLE EXAMPLE... Timothy stop trying to avoid the inevitable visual of self accountability and repentance to God and my readers.

       OK I Timothy Lane Taft, am a CONTROL FREAK.. I often times think way to highly of myself and/or my position so I consistently make up a fallacy that my world is controlled by ME..  you want specifics?  here we go...

     I have been frequenting a casino in the area throwing the monetary assets God entrusted to me away in a blind pursuit of control by telling myself that if I do this I will somehow gain wealth by my own get rich quick scheme so I can logistically use it in life plans or goals... Oh yeah you might think it more noble if I was to massage you with a little fact that I wanted to attain more so I could distribute more money to those who are oppressed or less fortunate than myself...  

Nice SPIN on that one SIR ROBIN HOOD TIMOTHY.... 

I had just sacrificed God's plan for my own agenda and I share a verse that supports what I believe God has been speaking to me about the pursuit of Gambling.. 

Proverbs 13:11 (HCSB)

Wealth obtained by fraud will dwindle, but whoever earns it through labor will multiply it.

Ephesians 4:28 (HCSB)

The thief must no longer steal. Instead, he must do honest work with his own hands, so that he has something to share with everyone in need.

Bankrupt?? Yes I have plagued myself w/this disgusting desire to control a Spiritual World I live in w/the insanity that I can control God's destiny and plan for my life....  Guess what...

God Wins EVERYTIME...

foolish Timothy...

Sitting there sliding bills into that slot machine pulling the handle abusively putting God on the spot through a silent prayer no one hears under my breath ...  IF ONLY I CAN WIN BIG SO I CAN BE A HERO for others...

   YOU KNOW....  That was disgustingly sickly just to reread my thoughts previously stated..... even more disgusting than the thought of slimy red beets sliding down my white walls of the apartment... little boy, little little man, little insignificant selfish controller STOP STOP STOP..  but wait there is much more... Here is a short list I have been noticing creep into my life again as of late... God helps me become aware of several areas needing withdrawals..

1) The Pursuit of extra money: Whether I spin it as a comfortability level for myself or others the wealth gained on my own agenda as quick money no matter how noble the cause might seem if I am seeking it on my terms and for control it shall be FUTILE...

2)Love Life(Hopeless Romantic Theory): Funny how I noticed I can pervert the beauty of God's divine plan to an agenda like that of a "check off sheet" or "to-do list" Just because I think she is "the one" or "my future" is not the submissive role of coming to the Holy Father patiently waiting for clarity through prayer and fasting.. Why don't I learn... Timothy are you seriously that powerful and important that you want to circumvent or interfere with the BEST that God has in store for me..  Jeremiah 29:11-13 refers to God knowing His perfect plan.. a plan not to harm us and it involves me...

3)Daughters salvation: NUFF SAID... I consistently try to will her into heaven causing so much pain and anxiety when my short sighted focus doesn't account for God's entire long range plan... SO LET GO and LET GOD TIMOTHY..

4)Physical Appearance: Yep... Past blog.. yes I too am convicted by the words God leads me to share and I definitely feel I got it wrong when I thought I could "control" things by "neutralizing" myself as to "not stand out" and be a "common man" to everyone so as to spread the Gospel to many...  Intentions Intentions Intentions although all these intentions may not be wrong or unmerited its the "selfish" act of how "I" "ME" "TIMOTHY" is going about to achieve them...   So I sit here tonight before finishing the online version of my blog and start the noisy buzzing act of shaving my hairy face and scalp... As the hair is flying like leaves from a maple tree in a windstorm.. my Christmas Mohawk has returned... God made me uniquely beautiful and I intend to embrace the crazy, loving, silly, articulate, encouraging Man of God he planned for me which means I am FREE.... so I will live FREE in Christ..

If my craziness is able to reach surfers, boarders, skaters, readers, hitchhikers, religious church obeyers, co workers, destitute, homeless, oppressed, ex addicts, or anyone God puts in my path then THAT is what I am going to do..

SEEK GOD USING MY GOD GIVEN INDIVIDUALITY......

This snippet was brought to you by the pen of a man learning to be "Obsessed" with his God in a way he never dreamed possible...    GODS WAY... 

 I want to lose all forms of addiction and die to my SELF and only reserve one addiction for my JESUS CHRIST and His Words..  

I wrote and typed this blog post today for many reasons... one was for open accountability of my shortcomings and the reality that christian people struggle as well thus the huge need for God and a Saviour... Another reason is that others might associate with some of my life problems and do some introspection by asking God whether you are trying to circumvent Gods position as GOD with your own agendas whether it is in relationships, jobs, money, or life...  Humanity has a way of trying to spin something and make it sound noble to have others agree that we are doing the right thing.. I don't care how Christian sounding our plan is when we try to sell it to friends, coworkers, parents, or GOD himself.. if that "Christian boyfriend/girlfriend" or "desirable white picket fenced property"  "job"or "personal agenda" you or others deem necessary isn't what God had planned or desires then you are seeking "SELFISH PURSUITS" such as I have found myself doing... Ask God to make it so crystal clear to you and be anxious in NOTHING as I am constantly battling the art of  Patience and reliance on a Perfect and HOLY GOD.. 

Babies, Bunnies, Ducks, and Zebras OH MY

This evening my post will be lacking words haaaa haaa that will be a first LOL....


But  I have A special treat for my blog followers...  A special look into my home videos of my early early childhood...  I urge you to laugh smile and just have fun noticing the seventies attire... dresses glasses and yep even the plastic pants outside of the cloth diapers...  check it out and enjoy

Pocket full of Posies.... whatever a Posie is or even if I spelled it grammatically accurate

    Pocket full of posies we all fall down...  Yep ....  There are so many temptations all around and often they are most prevalent when I become convinced i am self righteously unaffected because of my inflated pride....  Sitting in front of my laptop at the local coffee shop in beautiful downtown Newberg i am playing hookie taking an unofficial "skip day" from my company Christmas Party... why you ask???  Frankly i needed a redirect...  a general refocus into the word and I realize that may be more important than an overprice dressed up gala for my life tonight...

    This brings me to my post...  I am going to share an eclectic blend of christian and "non christian" material... a variety of music and published links to articles/books that i find have given me that refocused state that I find i am in need of...  I love the fact that my God can --Speak through the mouth of a mule---  and I find that although the lyrics of certain songs or artists that may not be "christian" can spark thought and still spread a message of love...

  I apologize for the possible repetition of music videos from earlier blog posts...   I started my night with the Bible of course and read from Hebrews 11..  a beautiful Chapter of Faith.. so many examples of Faith in the God we serve...  Then there is the songs i play from my android...

I like to substitute in my mind that my God is love and HE is love...  so as i play this i relate to it in such a way....


    This next video is a song that reminds me of the desperation of drugs and abuse and how it may tear up the loved ones around that have to sit by and let the "trainwreck" occur while waiting to pick them up when the self realization occurs that God is the savior and freedom from such addictions... Once again I don't believe in every word of the song such as the country beer theme as a way of life but you will get the definite theme of this very heartfelt song as it "hits home" to many that have or are witnessing this situation and the pain that is felt..

ingrid michaelson is another favorite of mine....  

and the next song is a favorite of mine although I think there could have been more prudence in the attire but the smiles are prevalent as the love theme continues ....  This video also had a special place in my heart for the love and hope of marriage/ family unit and all that it means :)  <3

  I will proceed to share more of my favorite songs from my android in a possible next blog as i am fighting the time constraints of the final last call of 10pm here at the coffee cottage :)  my apologies ...



I want to leave you with a beautiful guide to dating/betrothal/courting


http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001401.cfm


last but not least i leave you with a few of my favorite photos of times past...  I hope this blog post was a bit relaxing to you as well for I have rather enjoyed this peaceful time of solitude ( a man and his blog)  God has comforted me tonight as the Spirit led me in the direction of spending my night here with you instead of a public gala in which i would have been lying to myself and others that it was where I wanted/or needed to be tonight

God bless and Please Please click on the valuable resource of Biblical dating whether you are 16 or 60 LOL  it is very very very informative and please feel free to comment I love it

~My Shower Prayer~ Let My Heart Be Exposed As My Literacy Washes Over My Eyelids

   Delving right into a place reminiscent of King David, a man i admire for the inspired works of His heart showing as we read the Psalms I found myself writing very fast as that of a man hoping to get every last ounce of thought out of my head before the fleeting memories escaped as quickly as such thoughts intensely projected themselves through my fingers upon the pages of my notebook....  

This is what flowed and what I share...  I know this may bring forth emotions or expressions of "little faith" For this i am sorry..  I am a man.. I struggle... So I share for this is what i truly believe i am to share right now with all of you no matter how it makes me look in the faith with my Holy Dad... I am writing my notes as relational prose for you.. I wrote as follows...

     I Love the Creator, King of all the Universe.... My soul longs for the future, a day when my tears and loneliness, hurt, and pain cease...  I am real.. A man that prays to God.. Crying out w/a human frailty.. A peasant to a King.. A time of Safety conversing through warm tears streaming down my face as they combine with a stream of water bursting forth from above...   (A Shower Prayer)

   Raw, realistic, relational, bonding with my Father... Coming to Him Naked, stripped of Hypocrisy for He sees you as you are and loves you..  So I hide not my life from Him.. Bless the Lord oh my soul as my comfort comes from His #Truth, His #Word, His #Life. Look up though the steamy mirrors fogging, my pores expand, my heart relaxes..

   Feeling the truth in faith of His return. A day when the "Proving" and "Answers" aren't demanded through our testimony. A day when everyone will face the truth face to face...

God will be known and God will take me in as His own. My Father eternal, loving, peaceful, shuddering, falling flat worshiping my King with the "JUST PRAISE" He has DESERVED from all nations ever since the day Adam was formed.. 

   I am a part of believers that will have peace through Christ.. The heartaches and troubles I feel burdened with will forever be gone.... Let my burden of blame and guilt be removed right now my Jesus even when every moment of my life hasn't been so stellar and complacently used to shine your Life and Light through me to the lives so close and very dear to me. 

   My God, I begin to understand as my small human mind reaches for the feelings you must have endured the moment Judas betrayed your Son Jesus and others were blinded to the reality of your BELOVED SON..  

    He is everything... My soul cries out for EVERYONE to see THAT...  This is my deepest prayer that even if in my DEATH you might bring someone LIFE by turning a desperate soul to YOU..  May my writings appease an impulsive heart to run in your direction for Stability, Wisdom, Seeking the promises of Your amazing unseen PLAN.. 

        The tip of my ballpoint pen grinds so firmly bearing down in my clenched left palm.. I write so aggressively now.. Help me to know that in my suffering those watching me or reading my angst, understand that Jeremiah 29:11 Doesn't  mean that some of us don't go to the "lions den" for the sake of a "king Darius" or onlooker (unbelieving soul) who might be watching us as they come running to YOU Jesus because they witness the life of a christian through struggles, pressures, and pain.. 

        I send them your way Oh Lord, My soul cries out for this...   I might let the people know before it is too late... The hour is coming we may not live here tomorrow so let my last breath SCREAM your name to anyone listening..  Let me beg of you to turn them OH LORD..  Bring them to the TRUTH.. So they Listen, Read your Bible, Ask, Pray,  I plead with you as it is time to turn to the King.. 

    Lord I ask you to Open their eyes, renewing the years of scales covering fleshly humanity by opening those eyes making them beautiful...    This Lord I plead with you...   I LOVE YOU 

     As I was writing this a song very dear to my heart came on in the coffee cafe I was inhabiting....  My emotions overcame me as my eyes have been on the verge of watery heartfelt tears as my faith is still so very small knowing I cant seem to convince my daughter of the importance of a relationship with Jesus... so I leave you with a video i intend to watch tonight after i post my blog...

     I thank God for you all and ask for prayers for my own small family ....